Wednesday, January 31, 2007

font color of my life = #nnerdd

You know url a nerd when:

1. You make a joke integrating obscure html code;
2. You are currently tweaking your widgets using tips from hackosphere;
3. Listing the hexidecimal value for more than 10 specific colours including: azure, moccasin, and slate gray is easy peazy;
4. Someone catches you listening to Peter Jackson's commentary on King Kong, while doing numbers 1, 2 and 3.

My Hat Collection (part two)

Winter is a good time to wear hats in Canada. Especially out here on the West Coast where it is really cold in January. Why, just today it was a brisk 7°C. I almost froze to death. Plus, it was really sunny and just looking at the picturesque mountains, trees, beaches, and ocean made me depressed. I'm never going out again. Okay, maybe a few times, but only to display my hat collection.

Shh... don't tell anyone. It's a secret (see Albert Markovski (huckabees) quote below).

"Have you ever transcended space and time?
Yes. No. Uh, TIME, not space... No, I don't know what you're talking about."

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

My Hat Collection (part one)

Hats are fun. Hats are a celebration of expression.

This is the exact moment I started expressing my emotions through hats. This hat choice says, "Yeah, Christmas!", "I'm having so much fun with all my new presents", "I ate my food".

Fast forward a few more years. With this holly jolly fuzzy hat choice, I am expressing the same celebratory excitement for Christmas. (Aside: It is almost February and I have not taken down my Christmas tree. It has become part of the livingroom now. I love it. Don't make me put away the skating mouse. He's so happy where he is.)

Through my exploration of hats, I have encountered the rare "stubborn hat". A hat so unbreakable that it literally has it's own independent personality from the wearer. These hats say, "Step off. I am a my own hat, and if you wear me I will reluctantly sit on top of your head and completely disregard your emotional intent. These hats are no fun.
The first "stubborn hat" I encountered was a large black Stetson hat, that I HAD to wear during a photo shoot. Half way through the shoot I felt like this "stubborn hat" was not giving me anything to work with. I stopped and said to it, as tough as nails, "damn you hat, I'm taking over now. If you won't let me celebrate you, then you're gonna celebrate me!" This is the product after the showdown. I still think the hat is wearing me. Erg.

The graduation hat is also a tricky hat. Overwhelming in it's own right, but also quite distracting to wear with all the tassel business hanging in front of your face. This hat even comes with added responsibility of learning the tassel instructions. Is "graduated" on the right or left side?... Ah I could never remember.

After the completion of my Master's degree, I went from my "serious and tedious academic phase" to a "complete return to childhood" phase. Which was all about the colour pink, no responsibility and Disneyland. In the following pictures of me and my very pink hats, you get a glimpse at my celebration of all things Disney. I am saying, "I'm in the happiest place on earth", More, more sugar...", "Wee....Mister Toad's Wild Ride, Peter Pan, Splash... oooh ahhh", " then I am singing, "No one to tell us no, or where to go, or say we're only dreaming... a whole new world.." and then I get my fortune by my favourite Disney Main street girl "Esmeralda".

To be continued...
This exploratory montage of my hat collection will resume tomorrow with part two -- you never know what kind of zaniness will ensue.

I dedicate this post to Billy's curious fascination with my hat collection et al.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Fancy P-Ants

I'm never one to toot my own horn, but I can cook... a mean KD. I have excellent toasting abilities with assorted "toastable bread things". And, boiling "noodle things" to a somewhat pasty consistency is essentially second nature to me. In a fix, I'm pretty good with the old microwave. Reheating leftovers is a "done deal". And on occasion, I have melted cheese things with bean, egg, ham, or mixed tuna things on said toastables, and as many as one other person can attest to said cookery as being "edible, but not quite right". So basically, I am a chef-savant.

I pulled this fancy cookery out of the family vaults just for you. I call it: Ants on a Log.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Lisa's Weekly Guitar Chords

I'll admit it, I can't get enough of the new JT album "FutureSex/LoveSounds". And, until last night, I never thought I could channel my ardour for the mellifluous voice of the newly eligible POPthrob into something other than a spirited interpretive dance. You'll never see those moves on YouTube. But last night that all changed. For it was on this special night that I picked up my sweet sweet Larravee guitar and jammed with Ry and his super phat Fender bass to the Justin groove "What Goes Around".

How was this possible? One simple chord progression (Am, C, G, D). Great news! And as a bonus: You can use this very same chord progression to play Jewel's "Save your Soul" if you so choose. 2 for 1. That's a super deal!

Without further ado, I present to you my weekly guitarmageddon:

"What Goes Around.../...Comes Around Interlude" by Justin Timberlake
Verse, Pre-chorus & Chorus: 4/4 ||: Am - C - | G - D - :||

If you can't read music, all this means is strum each chord for two beats each then repeat over and over until you get to the outro.

For example:

Hey girl,
Is he everything you wanted in a man?
You know I gave you the world
You had me in the palm of your hand
So why your love went away?
I just can't seem to understand
Thought it was me and you, baby
Me and you until the end
But I guess I was wrong

Don't wanna think about it
Don't wanna talk about it
I'm just so sick about it
D Am
I can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it
I just can't do without ya
D Am
Tell me is this fate

Is the way it's really going down?
D Am
Is this how we say goodbye?
Shoulda known better when you came around
D Am
That you were gonna make me cry
It's breaking my heart to watch you run around
D Am
Cause I know that you're living a lie
But that's ok, baby, cause in time you will find

What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around x 4

Verse 2:
Now girl,
I remember everything that you claimed
You said that you were moving on now
Maybe I should do the same
The funny thing about that is
I was ready to give you my name
Thought it was me and you baby
And now, it's all just a shame
That I guess I was wrong

What goes around comes around
What goes around comes around
You should know that x 2


Interlude: 4/4 ||: Cmaj7 - D7 - | Em7 - - - :||

You spend your nights alone
And he never comes home
And everytime you call him, all you get is a busy tone
I heard you found out
That he's doing to you
What you did to me
Ain't that the way it goes
When you cheated, girl
My heart bleeded, girl
So it go without saying that should let the feeling hurt
Just a classic case scenario
Tell is always time
Girl, you got what you deserved
And now you want somebody
To cure the lonely nights
You wish you had somebody
That could come and make it right
But girl, I ain't somebody
I'm out of sympathy

What goes around comes back around
I thought I told ya (x many)

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Translate Me

¿Habla usted español?
Parlez-vous le français?
Möchten Sie mich verstehen?

I just couldn't call myself a Linguist with an English-only blog. As a lover of language and culture, I felt sad that I couldn't share with everyone. But today the rain clouds of sadness parted, revealing a beautiful sunny day in the form of a lovely little java script.

I am very happy to announce that "they mostly come out at night... mostly" is now available in nine languages. With a simple click of a national flag button (located above the link-up) you will be LIVE in Your Language. Now that I can call myself a Linguist again, I would like to mention that I would never choose to represent languages with national flags. Not very accurate. I guess majority speaks with this one. Sorry to all the minority languages of these countries not represented here.

I would like welcome my friends of the world and apologize now for any inappropriate translation.

Y Mauritchio, lo siento que mi español es tan malo y por favor mandes más mangoes. Gracias.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Project Ecuador

I wanted to show my support for the boys of Opportunitas Aequa who are heading off to Chimborazo, Ecuador this week to deliver soccer equipment to the impoverished children of this community. They have collected 1347 soccer balls and 854 pairs of cleats and running shoes and raised $12,330. While in Chimborazo they plan on distributing the equipment and building a soccer field for the community.

To learn more about this inspirational story, check out the Project Ecuador blog. They will be documenting their journey with pictures and video, so check back often. You can read about the GiveMeaning send off in Tom's latest post.

You can contribute to Project Ecuador through GiveMeaning. They have almost reached their second goal of $15,000! Let's help them get there!

This story continues to inspire me everyday. Beautiful.

NB. If you are having problems with Safari browsing, you can download Firefox here.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

4th and Vine

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

From my Alleyway

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Didn’t you get the memo?

Canadian actors are on strike. And as a Canadian actor (view shameless and unnecesary inclusion of headshot below) I feel it necessary to say, "I’m so sorry to bother you guys with this strike. But… you see… well… we don't get paid as much as American actors, and well, I don't mean to intrude, but my gym membership went up this month and I’ve taken 3 more shifts a week at the Cactus Club just to pay for my yoga classes, lulus, morning fair-trade lattes, and weekly supply of organic vegetables. I’m really trying hard and doing my best, but because I am a struggling artist/singer/model I just need a little extra cash flow to pay my rent. Sorry. I’m such a nuisance."

As we enter the second week in the first ACTRA strike in history, let us all pause and reflect on the key issues:

Issue #1: Money. We, the underpaid and underappreciated actors of Canada, want more money. You see, SAG actors get paid up to 30% more that we do, even when they are on Canadian soil. That just doesn’t seem right, does it?

Issue #2: Digital Media Exploitation. We hate that our work is used and exploited on the internet. But, if we are to be exploited please pay us. See key issue 1#.

I like money and since UBCP, the union of BC performers, is somehow unaffected by the national strike, I say, “Workers Unite” and all that rah rah Red stuff. And, in support of my thespian brothers and sisters, I will wear my cute Che Guevara tank top to all my auditions this week.

That brings me to today’s audition. The gender-biased tire commercial audition. As it turns out, females don’t play a large role in tire commercials. Basically, the female character named “SOC-wife”, described as “sweet, attractive and attentive”, stands in the door of her suburban bungalow smiling sweetly while her husband delivers a passionate monologue about buying tires for all of his big boy toys, namely his “’vette” and his “golf cart”.

Because I wasn’t able to speak, I had to come up with a strong internal monologue to truly grasp this dynamic character. “Aww shucks Jimmy, not another tire! Why, we’ve got so many tires, I simply don’t know what I’m gonna do with them. Why we’ve even got tires in the living room! You’ve just gone hog wild over those tires. Oh well, boys will be boys. Why don’t I bake you up a nice apple pie for desert?”

Talkin' about the Gravy

It's clear from the above very tasteful video that Billy really likes him some gravy. And who can blame him? There are times when I really believe in the power of gravy. Gravy is heart and soul of all good turkey dinners. Gravy brings together the rich melting pot of flavours at the Thanksgiving and Christmas table. Gravy doesn't discriminate against white meat or dark. It wraps all colours of meat in a warm embrace. Racial. So...

I think it's safe to say that I also like gravy. But a whole bowl? I think that might be verging on unsafe. And it makes me wonder, "is "Stu" merely a humorous caricature of someone obsessed with gravy, or is "Stu" actually a manifestation of the creator's gravy obsession?" After pondering this for some time, I started to gather some evidence from Billy's formative years, when I believe the obsession began.

Exhibit A (1996): Looking for love in all the wrong places.

Exhibit B: Billy's obsession with gravy begins to show. Seriously.

Exhibit C: Masking his growing addiction in a new found zest for fashion.

Fast forward 10 years.
Exhibit D (2007): Gravy Fever:

One wonders how far this addiction will go. Lest we not forget of our dear French-Canadian friend Sebastien Lemarcroix, who lost his job and family after growing morbidly obese from his addiction to poutine. Je me souviens.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Canadian ice dancers are so hot right now

Presenting the 2007 Canadian Champions:
Jeffery Buttle
Joannie Rochette
Jessica Dubé and Bryce Davison
Marie-France Dubreuil and Patrice Lauzon

Check out Skate Canada for a detailed list of results.

To watch some of the gold medal performances from Nationals, click on these links Jeffery Buttle FS, Joannie Rochette SP, Dubé/Davison FS Dubreuil/Lauzon OD.

I have to say that I'm loving all the new young dancers in the top 5: Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir, Kaitlyn Weaver and Andrew Poje, Lauren Senft and Leif Gislason. Very exciting! Ice dance is alive and well in Canada. Kudos to the new judging system actually allowing movement in the standings. I remember when the top 10 spots were safe-guarded by the Russian mafia. Back then, you were more likely to see hell freeze over than see movement in the ice dance rankings. Except that one time in 1997, when there was a 5/4 judging panel split in favour of the Azerbaijani team's romantic Arabian-themed free dance over the Lativian team's fast-pasted 1930s swing-themed free dance. They placed 20th and 21st respectively. It was tense.

Canadians photo momento of yours truly during my passionate "Far and Away" Irish folk-themed free dance.

Photo of the Bradshaw dance crew at Thornill, home-base of the Canadian Ice Dance Academy, Toronto. Great memories!

And a magical behind-the-scenes Canadians moment that speaks for itself and the zaniness of Jon Lane.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

My First Figure Skating Carnival

Age: 7
Location: Saskatoon Figure Skating Club
Theme: Jungle Animals
Music: "When the Lion Sleeps Tonight"
Costume: Sequined Lion made by my Mum, the talented seamstress.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Best Chloe Moment: The Taser

Where can I get my own personal non-lethal weapon of the future? At of course. You're on your own for free bandwidth.


It has been over five years since any McEngineered food has passed through these lips. Yesterday, that all changed. At 11pm, Ry comes home from returning this week's DVD selections and says, "I did something bad". My first reaction was that he snuck out and purchased more DVDs, music gear, or consumer electronics. But it was worse.

It was McDinner. Or more like McMidnight Snack. I protested at first, but the bright blue and white box that said "i'm lovin' it" in seven languages, including French, Spanish, German, Russian, Mandarin, and Arabic, made me feel like eating this Filet O'Fish and baked apple pie was important. Finally, I felt connected to the world.

McGlobalism. It just makes you feel special.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Lisa's Weekly Guitar Chords

I have a very special edition of Lisa's Weekly Guitarmagedon. I present to you two brilliant songs by the Philosopher-Poet extraordinaire, David Brent: "Spaceman" and "Freelove Freeway". The dramatic interlude is also included. Sweet.


4/4 ||: Dadd9 - Cmajadd9 - | Gadd6/B - Cadd9 - :||

Spaceman came down to answer some things,
The world gathered round from paupers to kings,
I’ll answer your questions,
I’ll answer them true,
I’ll show the way you know what to do,
Who is wrong and who is right?
Yellow, brown, black or white?
The spaceman he answered “You’ll no longer mind,
I’ve opened your eyes, you’re now colour blind".


|| C - G - || Am - - - ||

She's the serpent who guards the gates of Hell...

"Freelove Freeway"

4/4 ||: C - F - | Am - G - :||

Verse 1:
Pretty girl on the hood of a cadillac, yeah
She's broken down on Freeway 9.
I take a look, I get her engine started, and
leave her purring and I roll on by. Bye, bye

Free love on the freelove freeway, the
Love is free and the freeway's long, I got some
Hot love on the hot love highway, ain't
Going home 'cause my baby's gone (she's gone)

Verse 2:
A long time later I see a cowboy crying
"Hey buddy, what can I do?"
He says, "I lived a good life, had about a thousand women,"
I said, "Why the tears?", he says, " ' Cause none of them was you".

Chorus x 2
She’s gone yeah, my baby’s gone, she’s gone yeah, gone away,
She’s gone…………yeah

The Ultimate Experience: Play along with David Brent. NB. Ricky's guitar is tuned down a half step.

© Words and Music by Ricky Gervais

Bonus: Watch David Brent "fuse flashdance with MC Hammer shit" in the Office Dance Off.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Skating Hall of Fame: Ryan Smith

Speed. Edges. Grace. He has it all. Ryan Smith, born in the small Ontario town of Orillia, can twizzle the pants off anyone. Ryan has stood on many ice dance podiums all over the world. I met the superstar skater Ryan Smith in the Calgary airport on the way home from the 2000 Nationals in Calgary. Officially meeting Ryan Smith was a magical moment for me as I had admired his skating prowess for some time.

Let's set the scene shall we:
Event: Official meeting with Ryan Smith, uber ice dancer
Time: 6am on the day after the Closing Gala
Location of uber star: Lying, half on, half off a big pile luggage on the floor of the Calgary airport. NB. Skates are not comfortable to lie on. That'll leave a mark.
I said: "Can I get you some water?"
Result: Friends Forever

Lesson Learned: Pouring your heart and soul into four thrilling performances (+ gala) can sure make you tired. It must be, as Ryan was so exhausted that he had to be dragged from the small dirty patch of airport linoleum which he fell asleep on to make the flight home.

No one captures the beauty and power of latin rhythms on ice better than Ryan Smith (Pictured here with the lovely Brenda Key).

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