Monday, February 5, 2007

Exposed: Germfest 2007

72 hours ago I was not sick. Now I am. This week on "Exposed" we explore possible reasons why I am currently sick. This is hard hitting news people. Be prepared.

Before we begin, let's take a look some possible infection sites that I have encountered in the last 72 hours.

1. The internet.
2. "24" on DVD.
3. My refrigerator.
4. Things that have collected underneath my couch including: 2 black pens, 1 white sport sock, 3 paper clips, and a post-it listing the following items: bread, lettuce, tomatoes and bacon. That sounds like a good old fashioned BLT, if you ask me.
5. The doctor's office.

Now, let's look at the facts:
1. You can't get viruses from the internet with a Mac.
2. Jack Bauer stopped the virus threat before it spread across the Canadian border.
3. There is nothing in my refrigerator except packages of ketchup and those puppies are AIR locked.
4. It's implausible that a list of BLT ingredients could spread a nasty cold virus.
5. but a doctor's office... A ha!

Here's where the "A-ha!" came from:
Sick people go to the doctor because they're sick. They bring their sick bodies into the doctor's office and cough and puke and wipe their sticky, drippy noses all over the chairs, examining tables, and door knobs. Germs. Everywhere.

I'm pretty sure that the sick people don't wipe up their sick messes, and the doctors sure don't have time to disinfect between patients, and I'm dead certain that the office helper lady with the frazzled peroxide hair and 4 inch lee press-ons isn't getting off her sweet ass to do anything about the big rave cave of fun that is Germfest 2007.

And so I ask the hard hitting question that is on all of our minds: "What about the germs?" Exactly, what about the germs. I think the proof is in the pudding.

A recipe for proof pudding:
72 hours ago I went to the doctor for a routine check up. I wasn't sick, but everyone in the waiting room was sick. Sick. Yes, sick with germs. Go on now, hammer it home: The doctor's office made me sick (pictured below).

The doctor's office is a germ party. An all-inclusive airborne party that likes to spread fun times to everyone. But I'm on to you germs! You and your friends better find another place to party.


Very Tasteful said...

Proof Pudding: Certifiably Delicious!

Heatherness. said...

Something very straaaaange is going on here. I too am inexplicably ill.

I blame George Bush.

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