Tuesday, January 2, 2007

Worst Song Lyrics Challenge

Bad song lyrics hurt me. They get under my skin and slowly eat away at my music-loving soul. I just can't take it anymore! It's time to expose the horror. It's time for my first blogging challenge: Worst Song Lyrics Ever. I dare you. And no googling. That's cheating.

My three nominations:
1. "Email My Heart" (Britney)

E-mail my heart and say our love will never die
and I know you're out there and I know that you still care.
Email me back and say our love will stay alive
Forever, Email my heart

2. "Whereever, Whenever" (Shakira)

Lucky that my lips not only mumble
They spill kisses like a fountain
Lucky that my breasts are small and humble
So you don't confuse them with mountains

3. " Siberia" (Backstreet Boys)

When my heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too

Rhyming "Siberia" with "mysterious" is never a good idea.

3 comments

Heather said...

Surprise. It's me.

My nomination is "Play" by David Banner, a fine specimen of a whispered rap track. I feel I only need one example because this is THE WORST.

Here is a small sampling of his sexy lyrics:

"Cum girl
Go on and hit the dance floor
Open up wide, lemme show you what's it made for
Uh, like a finger, like a donkey
Lemme see you play, play with your monkey
Damn, cause your ass so chunky
Bring it here, sweaty, cause I love it when it's funky
I'ma put some dick in your world
Work that clit
Cum girl"

I had to google it, so I AM a cheater but look at what I have brought you.

Giggle.

Lisa said...

Wow. That sure is dirrrty. Sweet rhymes: donkey, chunky, funky. I knew you would out do me. Damn you and your sneaky sly ways! Cheater.

Well, google this:

"Unpredictable" by Jamie Foxx

"Yeah ladies I know you tired of the same old thing,
Things have become so mundane
I mean your bedroom is just so cold, so cold but I'm here to tell you
I got a strategy we bout to heat it up (Oh I like that)

Let me put a little bit of excite-ment up in yo lifestyle
You gotta know the time's of the essence
I'm talkin' right now
I can get, get rid of that headache
What you doin tonight
Some say that sex is overrated, but they just ain’t doin it right
I keeps it interestin baby just take them clothes off
I'll be yo Tylenol just take me till you dose off
Wake you up in the middle of the night and take you to another world
You'll wake up in the mornin feelin' like another girl"

Tylenol.

Guffaw.

Joshua said...

Do self-written poems count? If so, my 1992 offering "Ode to my belly-button lint" should be mentioned.

Oh! Lint that hangs from in my button,
I will not feed you rancid mutton.
I'm glad we've never ever fought,
hm...I did not like that apricot.
But now you're gone and I am blue!
Fa-laira, laira, laira loo.



As you can see, it is rife with tenuously constructed imagery and forced rhyme.

That being said, the mutton reference was powerful - it was meant to evoke feelings of loss for those injured by land mines.

Elsdon Out!

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